Total Vent

*Warning* This is a total vent in order to keep my sanity.

A few days ago I was complaining publicly on facebook. Well, I guess I have a cousin that checks up on me. Today I found this on her wall...I hear so many spouses gripe about their military member being deployed and these wars and they can't wait until their time in the military is over. This made me wonder where we would be today if the wives of our ForeFathers had griped that they were spending too much time away home and to leave this foolishness of independence and war to someone else?
It was totally geared towards me. I sent her an email telling her how I feel. I am hurt that she thinks she knows what I DEAL with. This deployment has been nothing but heck. So MANY things have changed. He is now in a different country than he originally was supposed to go to. He has had a last minute MOS change. Blah, blah, blah.

I was so mad because I had posted on it telling her about some things I and I didn't mind him being gone because "Courtesy of the red, white, and blue our savings account was going to quadruple, and we would be sitting in Hawaii this time next year." She deleted my comment after several people went through and ran their mouths about wives like "us".
She has never once worked a day in her life, her husband has never been deployed, he has been stationed in Korea for a year but come on, we all know how Korea is. She claims to be a Christian but she passes judgement so quickly among people. I am just tired of her acting like I have to be happy all the time. I have the right to have feelings and opinions about this war and deployment. I wish I could go into more details about this but unfortunately I can't. The deployment has been screwed up since day one though. I should have known better than to agree for deployment right smack dab in the middle of nursing school! AHH. I could pull my hair out.

Here is what I posted as a note on facebook publicily for the whole friends list to view...
As a matter of fact I am proud of my husband, I appreciate everything HE sacrafices for his country and me, but I am allowed my feelings about this war and I will speak them. I am not a wife that keeps her opinions to herself like they did way back when. I am not a tree hugger by any means, but have you ever stopped and thought about what we get out of these wars? We have lost over 5,000 soldiers? Was that worth it? Not in my opinion.
On a plus note, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and I damn sure don't need anyones help. I can handle this on my own, I have been doing it for months now. Most people couldn't walk in my shoes for a day. Until you have been in my position and been through what I have then don't pass judgement.

Why can I not break down for just a minute? Are we expected to not have feelings? I just feel as though every civilian has been so judgemental towards me. I don't expect any help from anyone, I got this. I am doing a pretty damn good job of it to. I have cried maybe 3 times total since he has been gone. I have gone off my anxiety/depression medications in the last month and a half. I have kept up with all the bills, pluse paid off extra stuff! I don't need help and I am tired of people thinking that I do. I don't want help, I want to prove that I can do it on my own. For one, the ones that said they would be there for me have proved themselves wrong in just a few short months. No one calls and checks on me, I didn't get invited to ONE single family thing for fourth of July. His family rarely calls me, I am the one to call them usually. Do I expect them to call? Well, they should probablly call me. My husband would want that. Do I really care? yes, my feelings have been hurt some. Oh well, life goes on. Just goes to show you can't trust anyone but yourself and your spouse. (In my case, I do trust my spouse with everything I have)

I just really don't know anymore. I am in a IDGAF mood and I am tired of the world acting like I want something. I am a cheery person to be around, I don't complain to much, and I am a damn good friend! Maybe I am in the wrong for flipping out about the status but I know how she is, she aimed that directly at me.

PS I am guessing the reason why the wives didn't bitch and nag about their men being gone back in the day was because they had no voice. They took care of the house, and kids. Now us 21st century milspouses, cook,clean,pay bills, go to school,work...etc. Are we supposed to be happy hunky dory when our husbands are deployed on a unneccesary deployment? Even our senators have questioned why we are doing this?

There. I feel 100% better. Now that I have this off my chest I can talk to my husband about something other than drama the next time I get to talk to him.

Edit** Please don't think I am fine with him being away because of the money. He is making just a tad over what he was making while he was gone. He volunteered because he felt like it was his job, plus we wanted to save up money. I would rather him be home, but we started this thing and we are going to finish this thing with a good savings account and a vacation to Hawaii. I just didn't want anyone to think I was a $$ hungry wife, because believe me...the money is just not worth it in my eyes, and if it was about the money I definately wouldn't go after a cute soldier cause our military is paid just like a blue collar worker. Which is what we are and what we will always be! I was raised to work and that's what I will be doing as soon as I graduate and pass the stinkin' NCLEX! I love my man more than words can explain! I'm sure if you are a regular follower (when I actually do post), you know this by now so there is no need to explain myself!