Sunday, November 13, 2011

Horses Are Not a Good Idea

Wednesday evening after clinical a friend and I decided to go riding. We had been doing this for about a month regularly. We did it to relax and get away for awhile. We headed back to the barn because it was starting to get dark out. I seen the tail end of something white and furry and big running through the woods. Mistie seen it to, we gave our horses a tap so they would speed up and we could see what this animal was before it headed into the woods. Unfortunately our horses both got spooked. Mine took off a dead run, I was scared. Adrenaline was pumping through me. The next thing I know, I am on the ground and I am confused. I can't see anything for the life of me...I can hear a bunch of people talking and they were talking about me. Mistie rushed me to the ER that night, where the ER doctor said I had a concussion and my CT scan results were fine, she let me go home to be monitored every two hours. I slept fine throughout the night, that next morning every time I would stand up I would get this splitting headache and I would get really nauseated and dizzy. My sister in law made me go to a different ER. They repeated the head and neck CT and did a x-ray of my right hip bone due to pain. I waited in the room for what felt like forever with a C-Collar on waiting on the doctor to come back in and tell me the results. She came in, I was told I had a fractured C-2 Vertebrae in my neck. My world got really small at that point. I was scared, she told me they were shipping me out to a bigger hospital. Somewhere where they could deal with my neck, I needed an orthopedic doctor. Once I got to OU Medical Center in the city the doctor came in and did a neurological assessment on me. He was surprised I could feel fine and he teased me about it, he looked over my scans and decided no surgery was needed, but that I would be in a neck brace for roughly 6 weeks. He told me I was lucky 97% percent of people with a "Hangmans Fracture" either die instantly or are paralyzed. God wasn't through with husband comes in really really soon for RR. I am so ready. It's a bitter sweet moment to have my husband back, even for a short amount of time. I am so thankful to be alive today to tell the story, I am thankful I can walk and I am thankful I can go on to nursing school like a normal person with a neck brace. With a little bit of persistence I will be fine....

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Crappy Blogger

I have been the worlds crappiest blogger this year. It has been hectic. I am in my third semester of nursing school as most of you know! We just finished up endocrine unit (which I made an A on the unit exam). We are now in orthopedics related stuff. So my husband comes home in XX amount of days! It is really soon, I am so excited and I am getting so anxious with each day that passes. On RR we plan on just laying around the house a lot and doing things day by day! We are so ready! After RR I will wrap up this semester then I will spend my Christmas break studying to take the LPN boards. I figured why not, my husband is deployed and I don't have much else to do with my time. I will graduate in May and then we are going on vacation to Hawaii and I plan to take the NCLEX-RN sometime in June. Then we will be moving pending on if I pass the first time or not. NCLEX terrifies me, it's what I have been practicing for and I still have a semester to get better! It is super scary thinking that I may be a real nurse one day, on my own, and taking care of my own patients all by myself! I am so ready to start the new chapter in my life. Well enough for now, I have to get off here and do 100 NCLEX questions. It's an assignment for school. We usually just do the questions on our own but this new teacher makes us do them as a grade. It's better than taking a quiz in class I guess. Night y'all!

Monday, September 12, 2011

It's Been Awhile.....

I am so sorry for being so unactive for that last few months. This blog was supposed to be for deployment and I totally abandoned it! (Insert sad face here). Life has been hectic crazy.

I am in my 3rd semester of nursing school! Yippie! We just wrapped psych up and we are moving on to OB! I am terrified of OB and I am officially afraid of having kids.

Let's see. What's new with me. Hubby is still gone, has been gone for well over 6 months now, out of those 6 months I have seen him a rough 6 days. It sucks. RR isn't for another few months. I hate this so bad, I have been in a funk lately. He went on his first mission recently and it's killing me. I haven't heard from him lately but I checked the bank account and he has spent money somwhere today so I know he is okay. I swear I am not a creeper wife that counts every penny hubby spends;) I check it a few times a week anyways cause some soldiers have had issues recently with $500 plus just going unaccounted for and they are pretty sure it had something to do with the debit card reader at the vending machines:/ So scary!

I graduate in about 8 months from nursing school and in around 3-4 months I will be eligible to go ahead and take the LPN boards. I am getting nervous about it but I decided to take LPN boards so I can get a idea of what boards will be like. I am so ready to just move on with my life and have my hubby back.

All my friends are getting RR and it's killing me to hear them brag about it and I am slightly jealous of them. I know I shouldn't be because I will get my turn and ours is perfect timing, I will be out of school for a week during his RR. I can't help it and I hate being envious! I just keep thinking to myself that their RR will end and they will have so many months to go before they see their love again, I will only have a few months to go after he leaves. I am trying to be positive but it's damn hard.

I have been so scared to even go home after school, I am terrified that I will get a knock at the door and it kills me not knowing where hubby is or what he is doing. I am so ready for some sort of communication that way I know he is alright. I know, I news is good news.

Anyways, again I apologize for abandoning y'all! I am so sorry for not keeping up to date with my life! I have missed y'all and I hope to post a new one each week! I still need to get an idea for an awesome giveaway since I am up to 50 readers.

Friday, July 22, 2011


Here I go kicking and screaming my way into adulthood...I am officially 20. No longer a teen, I have been very mature for the last three years. Working most of it, paying bills, in school. I graduate from nursing school in around 10 months. I am shocked at all I have accomplished so far. Way to go me, I give myself a huge pat on the back!

Sunday, July 17, 2011


Since when did it become okay to post pictures on Facebook and put the camp location as the caption. I mean come on, this facebook page has posted pictures of the firing range at a specific camp in Kuwait. They have posted numerous photos of pictures of the camp itself.

Am I not right? This is breaking OPSEC? I posted on their wall asking for them to enlighten me on why this was not breaking OPSEC and they deleted my post. Not once, but three times. I have emailed the state public affairs officer for the ARNG and I will be calling him Monday.

I wouldn't have been so mad if they would have just explained it to me or gave me a reason or took the caption off, but no...I'm sure it's some wife running this page and she prob thinks that since it is just Kuwait that it is okay.

I have had several SOLDIERS and their WIVES emailing me and asking me what can be done about this page. Many of the soldiers are in Kuwait and they advised us and all of our family to stay off the page and NOT like it.

My question to the military wives out it okay to post the camp location? We were told in the 38738793 briefings that you should just stick with country, we were also told that it was okay to give a region for example, SE Afghanistan or Northern Kuwait etc. I just don't want to be in the wrong here and I have a STRONG feeling that something is going to be said to my husband about me speaking out for OPSEC. This isn't the first time that a soldier would be repreminded for something his wife do or say. It happens all the time, especially in our unit. I have a dear friend that confided in the FRG leader about her worries with her husbands pay and she went back and told his commander and he got smoked for an hour for it. I seen the original email and it was NOT rude whatsoever. I am through with the military. I am tired of all the drama that comes with. This deployment has been nothing but a pain and my husband is ashamed to be going with this unit, he is counting down till he gets out. He loved the military at one time and now they have ruined it for him. I really hope noone that I know reads my blog but I don't give a flying FU** right now. These are my feelings, and I am entitled to them.

Anyways, now that I am off that it okay to post camp locations?

Friday, July 8, 2011


Ahh. Last month I never went in to get my Depo shot because I don't really see the point of taking it while he is gone and plus I haven't had a period in roughly 3 years. That can NOT be healthy at my age. I have never had kids and we have decided to start trying once he is back and I am a licensced RN. I am excited but scared. Anyways...on to my story. Today I wake up from my nap crying for no reason, I cried when I did the dishes, I cried while cleaning the bathroom. I am just a wreck. I had no reason to be sad. Hubby did nothing to me, I just cried and I couldn't stop really. I really hope my horomones straighten out sometime soon because I cannot be dealing with this for much longer.

Also- I have a dermatologist appt on the 19th. I found a black spot on my birthmark that is on my back. I am worried about it because I always "inspect" it to make sure it's not changing shape, color, size. The doctor is going to do a biopsy of it, please say a prayer for me. I am really worried.

On to the topic of my blog entry! My birthday is on the 22 of this month! I have NO idea what I want! I always do this right around my birthday time! I told my family that I would be happy with some itunes cards. Hubby refuses to buy me anything cause he is in Kuwait and he doesn't have any idea of what I want plus he is to lazy to order it. Our anniversary is on the 1 of August and I have already ordered him a Iphone dock/alarm clock. I couldn't ship it to the APO address so I had it shipped here, once I get it I am going to stick it in his totally awesome anniversary box that I decorated!

I am just moody, emotional, and I want HIM to buy me a damn present. Is that to much to ask for? He has never bought me a present on his own besides our first Christmas we had together as a married couple. It's just irritating, like he doesn't really know my likes/dislikes. Ha, here I go with the emotions. I am going to show some pics of his box that I made for our anniversary. I think it is the best box I have ever made!

Our wedding colors were purple,
I am sure I will have a very
embarrased hubby.
It's the thought that counts though,

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Total Vent

*Warning* This is a total vent in order to keep my sanity.

A few days ago I was complaining publicly on facebook. Well, I guess I have a cousin that checks up on me. Today I found this on her wall...I hear so many spouses gripe about their military member being deployed and these wars and they can't wait until their time in the military is over. This made me wonder where we would be today if the wives of our ForeFathers had griped that they were spending too much time away home and to leave this foolishness of independence and war to someone else?
It was totally geared towards me. I sent her an email telling her how I feel. I am hurt that she thinks she knows what I DEAL with. This deployment has been nothing but heck. So MANY things have changed. He is now in a different country than he originally was supposed to go to. He has had a last minute MOS change. Blah, blah, blah.

I was so mad because I had posted on it telling her about some things I and I didn't mind him being gone because "Courtesy of the red, white, and blue our savings account was going to quadruple, and we would be sitting in Hawaii this time next year." She deleted my comment after several people went through and ran their mouths about wives like "us".
She has never once worked a day in her life, her husband has never been deployed, he has been stationed in Korea for a year but come on, we all know how Korea is. She claims to be a Christian but she passes judgement so quickly among people. I am just tired of her acting like I have to be happy all the time. I have the right to have feelings and opinions about this war and deployment. I wish I could go into more details about this but unfortunately I can't. The deployment has been screwed up since day one though. I should have known better than to agree for deployment right smack dab in the middle of nursing school! AHH. I could pull my hair out.

Here is what I posted as a note on facebook publicily for the whole friends list to view...
As a matter of fact I am proud of my husband, I appreciate everything HE sacrafices for his country and me, but I am allowed my feelings about this war and I will speak them. I am not a wife that keeps her opinions to herself like they did way back when. I am not a tree hugger by any means, but have you ever stopped and thought about what we get out of these wars? We have lost over 5,000 soldiers? Was that worth it? Not in my opinion.
On a plus note, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and I damn sure don't need anyones help. I can handle this on my own, I have been doing it for months now. Most people couldn't walk in my shoes for a day. Until you have been in my position and been through what I have then don't pass judgement.

Why can I not break down for just a minute? Are we expected to not have feelings? I just feel as though every civilian has been so judgemental towards me. I don't expect any help from anyone, I got this. I am doing a pretty damn good job of it to. I have cried maybe 3 times total since he has been gone. I have gone off my anxiety/depression medications in the last month and a half. I have kept up with all the bills, pluse paid off extra stuff! I don't need help and I am tired of people thinking that I do. I don't want help, I want to prove that I can do it on my own. For one, the ones that said they would be there for me have proved themselves wrong in just a few short months. No one calls and checks on me, I didn't get invited to ONE single family thing for fourth of July. His family rarely calls me, I am the one to call them usually. Do I expect them to call? Well, they should probablly call me. My husband would want that. Do I really care? yes, my feelings have been hurt some. Oh well, life goes on. Just goes to show you can't trust anyone but yourself and your spouse. (In my case, I do trust my spouse with everything I have)

I just really don't know anymore. I am in a IDGAF mood and I am tired of the world acting like I want something. I am a cheery person to be around, I don't complain to much, and I am a damn good friend! Maybe I am in the wrong for flipping out about the status but I know how she is, she aimed that directly at me.

PS I am guessing the reason why the wives didn't bitch and nag about their men being gone back in the day was because they had no voice. They took care of the house, and kids. Now us 21st century milspouses, cook,clean,pay bills, go to school,work...etc. Are we supposed to be happy hunky dory when our husbands are deployed on a unneccesary deployment? Even our senators have questioned why we are doing this?

There. I feel 100% better. Now that I have this off my chest I can talk to my husband about something other than drama the next time I get to talk to him.

Edit** Please don't think I am fine with him being away because of the money. He is making just a tad over what he was making while he was gone. He volunteered because he felt like it was his job, plus we wanted to save up money. I would rather him be home, but we started this thing and we are going to finish this thing with a good savings account and a vacation to Hawaii. I just didn't want anyone to think I was a $$ hungry wife, because believe me...the money is just not worth it in my eyes, and if it was about the money I definately wouldn't go after a cute soldier cause our military is paid just like a blue collar worker. Which is what we are and what we will always be! I was raised to work and that's what I will be doing as soon as I graduate and pass the stinkin' NCLEX! I love my man more than words can explain! I'm sure if you are a regular follower (when I actually do post), you know this by now so there is no need to explain myself!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

I Apologize, W/ Pictures

I apologize for being a horrible blogger, yet again I have fallen into the great abyss.
I have seriously had the craziest summer yet!
In May I went to Washington.
June I went to Mississippi to visit hubby.
I started the externship and have been working crazy 12's since! I have rotated through Surgery, ICU, Pre-Op, OB, and ER. I love ICU, OB, and ER the best. I would honestly work in any of these!:)
My Summer In Pictures:)
The flowers hubby got me!
I got them during my last week of school!3


Bob and Abbey

First plane ride!
Headed to Washington.

The Rockies

Mount Ranieer
This picture was taken about 2 hours away from the MT.

At McChord

Taco Shop in a old bus in Seattle/Tacoma somewhere!


My Twilight <3 Woods!
Washington State

Little Crab

Big Crab @ The Sound.

Narrows Bridge

Gig Harbor!

Gulf Port Mississippi on Pass

Us on the ferry to ship island!

Enjoying the breeze!

Ship Island was so lush and green! Very HOT though!

Showing off my new dress!

I love the colors!

Silly hubby!

Ship Island!

Ship Island Beach <3

Back at the hotel!

He always ruins a good pic ;)

Beach Front Hotel!

About to get on the jet skis!
Sorry about the quality it was taken with a disposable camera!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Best Week Ahead of Me!

Tomorrow I leave to go see my hubby! I will be making the 10 hour drive with a friend! I am so excited, I have butterflies and I want to puke! It is going to be the greatest, I have only went 2 1/2 months without seeing him so I am very lucky that I get to see him for four days before he ships out! I won't see him again until R&R which will be November-ish-Early Spring. Don't know yet!

We are going to be staying at a beach front hotel! I am so excited, it's like our "second" honeymoon. Which we didn't have a really nice honeymoon the first time. We couldn't afford it, and we aren't lucky enough to have "rich" family to pay for it! We were young and just starting life!

Can ya tell I'm excited? Now I got to get in bed! I have a long day ahead of me!

I will post pics after I get back from the trip!:) I am almost to 50 followers so I will be doing a giveaway like I promised! The only problem is the store that I had in mind to buy from got hit by a tornado and they are closed, so now I will have to think of something else to do!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Valves Don't Make Friends

Getting really good at IV starts. Once I start advancing the catheter I seem to hit a valve 50% of the time. The hardest trouble I am having is picking a good vein to go into. This is like an art in itself. Maybe I should work at a HUGE hospital and be on the IV therapy team so I can go around starting IV's all day! I want to be the best I can be when it comes to venipunctures and IV therapy. I will get it, I know it takes A LOT of practice and patients patience!;)

Thursday, June 9, 2011


Ahh. You may or may not be wondering where in the heck I have been for the last month!

I have been busy! I took my trip to Washington state to visit my friend Haley. I stayed on McChord AFB for the time. It was awesome. I seen Mt. Raineer, we went to Gig Harbor, and The Point. It was a really nice stay. I wish I could go back already, I miss them. It was also so nice there! It is so hot in OK! I have been dying!

I took the JOB at the AWESOME hospital! I moved back in with family, and let me just say it is not a great idea to do when your already married and out. It would have been better for me to just take the crappier the job I took pays 2.50 less! I did not know this at the time or I would have picked the other job. I will say that I have had a great experience though! I have worked in ICU, and tomorrow I am working in ACU (Pre-Op). I have always been interested in surgery. I have rotations in OB, Nursery, Surgery, ER, and some more in ICU. I really LOVE LOVE LOVE ICU with a passion. It is hard to work in ICU as a brand new nurse with no experience though so I don't know how easy it will be to get a job fresh out of college. I really don't want to work on the floor though. We will see. I don't graduate for another 11 months! I am more than ready.

I have some even better news! I can't go into details though but I can say that instead of going to Afghanistan my hubby will be spending time in Kuwait and Iraq. I was really happy with this news until I realized that there are at least 6 deaths that I know of that have happened in Iraq in the last few weeks.

Well leave some comments! I just got the internet turned on here at my familys house so I will be on more!  Got to go for now though, I have to wake up at 0430 in order to make it to work on time!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Hospital 2

I chose the GREAT hospital! I am going to WA sometime soon, after that I am headed back home to pack up some stuff so I can go live my family for the summer! I am pretty excited, but I am scared that it might be weird moving in with my grandma over the summer. We will be fine though, my mom lives with her now in order to help her out more. I found out some pretty saddening stuff about my grandmas health and I am hoping I get to spend a lot of time with her this summer.

I miss my husband today more than ever. He hates his job, he hates this deployment. Today we talked about life...and death. We talked about the different possible scenarios. There are so many different things that could happen so I am really trying to stay positive.

Yesterday I went to an A7X,Bullet for my Valentine, and Three Days Grace concert. Today I went to the races. I have had a pretty good weekend. Tomorrow I have my nieces birthday party, then I get to start packing for WA! Is it okay to feel guilty to be having so much fun without hubby? I am having this debate with myself. I so wanted him to be there with me during the concert because they are two of his favorite bands. I was bummed out but I can't let myself not have fun just because he is gone. My life has to go on also, right? I mean, I haven't had a life in over a year really since school. I am not going out and blowing all the money we have. I am being responsible and asking his opinion on most things. Sigh...

I am sleep deprived so I am going to catch some ZzzZzzzZzzzzZ's. I have another busy week ahead of me!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

RN Extern Program

I got another acceptance letter today.

Now I don't know what to do.

I am making myself sick over picking one and my hubby won't help me decide.

Ugh. I hate this, I never thought I would have a hard time.

Hospital #1 is the hospital I did my clinical rotations at. I feel comfortable there. I know a few of the staff members. Although, they want you to work a full 40 hours a week, which is fine with me until my hubby gets his leave in June. I don't know if they are willing to let me off. They schedule me. I have to wear white scrubs. I will save gas.

Hospital #2 will give me the opportunity to stay with my grandma and mom this summer. It is such a NICE hospital that I could see myself working at when I graduated. They let me schedule my OWN HOURS. Taking off to see my husband for his leave is not a big deal at all, I already have it cleared with them. I will be wasting a ton of gas.

I never thought I would be so messed up by having to make this decision. I should be happy that I am badass enough to get into BOTH competitive programs. They only had enough room to accept half of the applicants. I have friends from my school that didn't get in either programs. I just had to apply to both of them in fear I wouldn't get one. I took someones spot and they won't pick another person if I drop.

Think I might go throw up now. I know it's not a big deal but I feel like it is going to be a life changing experience. Hubby and I don't know where we are going to move after graduation and deployment but either hospitals would be a good decision and there is BSN programs in both towns. Hospital #2 has a HUGE university program right at the hospital. The other hospital is a small state university so it would be cheaper...

Why do I have a type A personality. This decision is not going to kill me or determine my entire future although I feel that way right now. I hate planning my entire life out to a T.


I just spent over 2 1/2 hours on the phone with one of my nursing school bestie.
We laughed almost the entire phone conversation!  I definitely needed some laughter! I will for sure miss her over the summer, we live an hour and a half away so I don't get to visit her much because the drive is a hassle.

Hubby is doing fine, he is heading to a new state tomorrow for a few weeks. He will be going back to the original state after that, we will get a four day leave, after that he is heading to Afghanistan. Not much longer, but I am ready to get it over with. I am ready for leave to be here so I can see him then I want the next year to fly! He put in for his two week will probably be late fall/early winter before he gets to take leave.

Have I said that I am so ready for the next year to fly? The faster it goes the faster I get my hubby back and I get the chance to take the NCLEX! I am so ready to be a nurse working somewhere...I know I will miss school though once I am done. I will be going back to get my BSN and working my way up to either an Nurse Practitioner or a CRNA. Still undecided...I am only 19 though, I will be turning 20 in July. I am still really young though so I am going to have time to decide on what to do after I get my BSN.

Well it is 0200 here, I need to get in bed! Not like I Have anything to do tomorrow but I can always mow....

Monday, May 9, 2011

Lonely Nights

I can't sleep.

This sucks, I feel sick to my stomach and I have a pretty good feeling my husband is leaving a few details out about his job. I guess he is trying to "protect" me. I am not dumb though, it is easy to tell when he isn't being honest. I probably sound like an obsessive wife, but it is hard to handle when he is trained to do one job then a few weeks before deployment they "change" his job that he is not meant to do!

Gut feeling? Maybe? Something just isn't right.

I am making myself sick over it, it is 0344 my time. I need to go to bed but I don't think I can.
Might as well try, I have nothing better to do.

Deployment Family Day/See Ya Later Day

There is so much emotion in this picture, I want to cry just looking at it. 

From Left to Right:
BIL,SIL,Niece, Nephew, MIL,
My soldier, and me sporting the Us Army shirt.

Yes, as a matter of fact I did know I have child bearing hips!
This picture definitely shows that.

Final formation

Oklahoma Thuderbirds