OR Clinicals

WARNING-Graphic, not meant for weak stomachs!

Not my cup of tea, but I did see some cool stuff. I seen a Hiatal Hernia Repair today, this one was really bad because the stomach was being turned a weird way. I didn't get to see the stomach part so I'm not sure. The first surgery was five long hours, talk about pain on the back, legs, and feet! The second surgery was about 2 1/2 hours. I honestly don't think I could do it, the circulating nurse had a stool to sit on...lucky her. We cut up, we laughed, I wanted to puke because the smell of burning flesh wasn't something I want to smell again. I laughed some more, then I felt incompetent some. Try putting a catheter in a 430 pound woman. Not fun, it was the FIRST catheter I have ever put in a person, let's just say I didn't quite make it in the right hole. It was dark, I was nervous the nurses were trying their hardest to lift on the belly....Oh wow, TMI. Well the blog does say Stethoscopes....that should have a been a warning that I might talk about some disturbing stuff! I will update as I go along, we start cardiac tomorrow! YIKES!
 It is def nap time, I have been up since before 0500 and I am tired.

Pathophysiology

I passed my exam with a B! Looks like I'm no straight A student anymore, but I can say making a B on such a big exam is amazing! I will study harder next time. We start Cardiac on Friday.....scary stuff. If anyone has pointers on Cardiac I would love to hear them;)

See Ya Later Ashley

Ashley went to her new owner today! I am very saddened but I am excited for Ashley. She is living with the dog trainer now, a very great one at that. She is going to be in perfect hands, with someone that can dedicate their time life to her. I could not have found a better person to take Ashley. I will get to see her when I want, I was even offered a JOB with the dog trainer! That is right, she wants me to come up there and help her train dogs! She thinks I am awesome....wish I would have known a long time ago, cause in my opinion working with dogs would be way better than working with humans! If only the pay was as great. Now, I love working with people but some days I can't believe I chose nursing. There are so many whiney sick people to take care of. Exactly the reason why I chose not to work on a Med/Surg floor. I am doing really good, hubby is still home on some leave time. It has been nice, we haven't really done much but hang out. We went to see Sucker Punch last night with his mom, let's just say that movie was a FAIL in my opinion. My hubby is a movie buff and he didn't like it either if that tells you anything. It was bad.

I really miss blogging regularly! &I hate to cut it short but I have a unit test on Wednesday...I have got to study some more before I go to bed. Our test is over Pathophys. We are learning a lot about infections, disease processes, Chemo, and Radiation. This unit is like a mixed pot of fun stuff!

Wish me luck!

Don't Judge Me

This post is going to make me sound like a horrible, ungrateful, whiney wife.

I am in a bad mood though, on the verge of tears. I just want to be mean to my husband, I want to push him as far away as possible. I know this is bad of me, but I also know its "normal" for us to feel this way pending a deployment, he is home for a 4 day from training. He goes back to training, and he actually leaves for the deployment sometime in late spring. I have had to put up with SO much bull crap while he has been gone. I had to get buy new tires for my car, get the oil changed on both vehicles. Deal with our dog situation, let me tell you he got mad at me for awhile over it all. He bought a brand new $900 laptop last week. While I need a new one for school, his old one works perfectly. He is going to take this brand new one TO AFGHANISTAN! Oh, I am just so frustrated. Tonight I got in our freezer to find that it's not working anymore...now that he bought a laptop we have NO extra breathing money. I have to wait until my school loans come in...yeah that will be in the MIDDLE of April. What in the heck am I going to do for food now? I am a horrible mess right now. He will be gone when it comes time to buy a new fridge so I will get to do all that on my own. I am an independent person but it is going to suck figuring out a way to move a icebox on my own. Guess I can pay someone to do it for me, I don't think Lowes delivers to my house either.

I just feel like I always get dealt the crappy hands and he is off having a freaking vacation while he is gone to training, I know deployments are not fun but he is getting out of all this. I asked him to take the trash out yesterday, he turned around and looked and me and said "I am going to war". I am sorry but going to war does NOT excuse you of your duties at the house while you are home. I am not your momma and I don't care. He is the one that chose to go. He chose to go all because of "money", there is not enough money in the world to make me want him to go to war.

I know all of this is just a jumbled mess but I was on the verge of tears and now I feel better so my "typing" does help. I am really not this whiney all the time, I love my husband and I don't mean to talk so negatively about him. I just need a break and this four day better start looking up cause as of right now I really wouldn't mind having the house to myself again. I was used to him being gone and he just came back and I feel like he is raining on my parade. We hardly talked today, he was zoned out on the TV when he got home and I worked on my care plan.

Sigh* I feel sick and I am ready to get this year over with. I HATE deployments. & I HATE goodbyes.

Lazy Syndrome

Just wanted to say THANK YOU to each and every one of you. I am now up to 40 readers! I have only had this blog for a few months, I don't blog "regularly", and I mostly gripe on here. I vent in order to keep from going off on the world!

Hubby has been home for two nights, it has been so nice to have him home. He has some leave time before he actually gets deployed. I just started getting used to him being gone and "BAM", here he is again. I think it is going to make it that much harder when he leaves again. We have been doing nothing really, we have stayed home and just hung out. I have a lot of homework that is getting in the way of this off time of his. He is at drill right now taking a few classes for the deployment. I have been reading out of my med/surg book in order to study some for my test on Wednesday. I am about to start my careplan in a little while. It's not due until the 1st of April but I don't need to be a procrastinator. I have always been the worlds worst about procrastinating.

Update on my pup Ashley- We have decided that it would be best to give our baby girl to the dog trainer. This dog trainer has changed my look on everything I have ever learned about dogs. She is amazing. I think Ashley will be better off with the dog trainer. She is my baby but the trainer "Jenn" can give her the attention she needs, she will train her, and she is going to give her a purpose in life. Ashley is going to do amazing, Jenn is going to train her and make her into a therapy dog. I was so amazed at Ashley's accomplishments in just two weeks, she listens so well to Jenn the trainer. It's weird to say but I think her and Jenn were made for each other. I am going to miss her tremendously but the trainer said I will still get to see her. I am so excited to see what she can do with Ashley. I think this will be best for her, my life is so busy right now with school and the deployment, I never imagined that having a "Gladiator" breed would be so hard. We were prepared to keep Ashley until she died but I think it will be best this way, and I am saving her life.

School is going okay I guess, I have been rather lazy since spring break. I am getting back in the groove of things now though.

Tag Chasers

I have heard this term several times, although I have never really understood the true meaning. You don't hear many people say they want to marry military personal. Tonight while Facebook "creeping" I seen where a girl posted she wanted an Army man. Now unfortunately that pissed me off pretty bad. I understand you can't help who you meet and fall in love with. Tag Chaser is the perfect quote though. I don't understand it at all.

When I was 14 and met my hubby I knew he was in the National Guard, but I had NO idea what the NG even did. I had NEVER met anyone in the NG. I NEVER dreamed that he would get deployed, when he called me in 07 and said he was deploying for a year I almost had a heart attack right there in the middle of Walmart. Would I have changed my mind about being with him if I knew the possibilities? NO, but for some women to only go after military men is just so ignorant to me. Yeah, I understand that the benefits can be great, many military wives get the opportunity to stay at home.{This would surprise me after the grocery and gas increase} Maybe "outsiders" see the life as glamorous, can this be because of how military life is portrayed on TV? Military life is not all that glamorous, I am not even a full time military wife, hell I am used to one weekend a month, two weeks a year literally. This is our second deployment. I know women that are on deployment number 8! Yes, I said 8! I have the upmost respect for these families. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. 


I guess this post is really pointless but my main thoughts are...
TV aka Army Wives is very misleading in my opinion. It gives "us outsiders" a different look on the military that rarely exist. This in turn is making girls go NUTS over military men. Tag Chasing should be frowned upon. The military life is not so glamorous, but when you love a military man you have no choice other than to support him in ANYTHING he does. It is simply a job, but it is one they love, and it's one to be proud of.

I hope I didn't offend anyone by this post in any way, I didn't really think about the wording. This post was typed up last minute.

Trip to the Vet

I have been taking my dogs to our vet for about two years now. I took Ashley to the vet yesterday to get her booster shots. She did great, all the vet techs gave her lovins'. She soaked it up, believe me. I wish I would have thought to take some pics. After the Collins seen her and gave her the shots, he personally told me I made the right decision to keep her alive. He said she is a very loving and appreciative dog. I was on the verge of tears, I have been scolded several times for making the decision I made. He understood that both choices I had were very hard for me. He believes that she will be okay. This made me feel so great. I know we have a long road ahead of us, and many weeks of training. She is doing great right now though, I have had no problems out of her.

I have been very busy on my spring break, I am kind of sad I haven't had more time to relax at home, but I still have Saturday and Sunday to relax and study some. I have to go for now though, I have a doctor appointment. I am getting my last birth control shot today and I could not be happier!

Two Weeks*EDITED*

Two weeks into deployment and I miss my husband tremendously. He is training right now so I do still get to talk to him on a regular basis so it makes it "easier". He is literally my best friend though so I am kind of still lost without him. I have been doing okay but I get really lonely in this empty quite house. We found out that he does get a four day before he goes overseas though so I am pretty excited about that!

On to my dog, she did amazing at the trainers yesterday, she walked along side of me, she sat after some practice. The trainer has a lot of faith in her, she says that she has seen many pit bulls be challenged and they kill because it is in their nature. She was telling me a lot about the signs to look for and how to stop it. It was really interesting. I am so glad that she has some faith in my dog, many people are scolding me for not having her put down. Deciding to rehabilitate the dog was a harder decision in my opinion, because I was so angry at her for doing what she did. She is a good dog, she wants to please people. She knew she did wrong, she has barely touched any food for over a week now. The day before yesterday I had to bribe her to eat, I poured a can of beef broth and put some canned chicken in her food. She was so hungry she ended up eating the entire bowl of food. I have faith in my dog, I think she will do well!

Hubby is calling right now!.....

Well, that was very short lived. He told me he was going on some kind of walk tonight. Apparently for no reason. Oh Lord, the NG is something else. It was a ruck walk with 50 lbs. of gear, they ended up doing over 3 miles. I just had to clarify that cause I made OKNG sound bad! 

I guess I am going to find something productive to do. I have laundry and lots of it waiting so patiently for me. Then I need to practice with Ashley some before bed time.

ANONYMOUS

To the ANONYMOUS comment:For one if you can't put your name don't post on my page. I have the heart to spill everything on here and you should be able to at least let it be known who you are.

I put "killer" for people so that they would know that it was in fact the correct dog. I am paying good money for her to go to a trainer, and if it does happen again it will be my fault and I understand that, but I LOVE my husband with all my heart and I am going to try to fix his dog, if that cost me an arm and a leg so be it. I am aware of what I am doing, I have lost sleep over it. It is my dog, my life and I am going to make the final decision. Oklahoma does not have strict laws against Pit Bulls yet, I have checked. I am sure there will one day, but by the time they do I am going to have her trained. Molly was not viscously "mauled", it in fact took me awhile to even find bite marks,she had one set of bite marks which meant Ashley bit once realized what she did and stopped. I have seen Molly challenge my Pit Bull in fact, it is in their nature to back themselves up when challenged. I understand the responsibilities of owning a Pit Bull this is why I am seeking out for help. I have thought about this long and hard and I am not having her put down until I have to. I am testing out the waters and watching her behavior very closely.

So before you go and call me an idiot please educate yourself on the subject matter first. I should not have to explain myself but I find it very rude that you call me an idiot and you can't even own up to your own name.

What is so wrong with having a little faith anyways?

Happy

I am back for today! I am going to try to stay away from all the negativity. I can't handle re-reading my posts and having them sound so bad.

Yes, I am doing okay. I have my bad days. Today was one of them, but I'm not going to talk about it!

I am still alive and well! Nursing school hasn't killed me yet! :)

Hubby is doing well, he is still "training", if you could even call it that. I don't know what the NG is doing but I won't talk to much smack. I am a spouse and I should probably keep some of my thoughts about the NG to myself!

I am taking my PitBull "Killer", {Ashley} to a personal dog trainer tomorrow! I am really hoping for some good news and some improved behavior. I can tell she is mourning from hubby leaving. She has lost a lot of weight, she won't play and I have to bribe her with human food in order to get her to eat!  It is really a sad ordeal, I have not had anymore problems out of her though. I hope it stays that way.

School is going good I guess, I am out for spring break THANK THE LORD! I needed some R&R from school. Believe me, I was getting frustrated and ready to throw in the towel!

I did catch up on some blogs today, I will catch up even more over spring break! The only thing I will be doing this break is a careplan, getting a pedicure, hanging out with some good friends from school and shopping!

Enough about me, how are y'all?

I am waiting for hubby to call or get on skype. I will ttyl!

Quick Update

Nursing School=HELL
I made a 70% on the last test, 70% in nursing=F
I will not be around for awhile until I figure out how to juggle life with nursing school.
School has gotten harder than I ever thought possible, they are trying weed out the weak.
You should see the emails we get from the director. They are horrible and it practically screams, "we are going to let you drown and we will not save you!"

I am fed up with nursing school.
My back-up plan is join the Air Force.
Hopefully I don't need the back-up plan but I have been so sick and stressed over school that I don't even remember if its worth it or not.


On to the dog,
I am taking her to a personal trainer. She is going to try to help us, if she can't then she is going to screen some people and try to find a good home for our dog. We are not having her put down.

Thanks for the comments, I really appreciate every single one of them. Sorry I haven't had time to comment back to any of y'all.

SAD

I came home from studying last night to find my Shih Tzu dead. My Pit Bull was the culprit. I am sick to my stomach as writing this. I love my dog so much and I can't stand the thought of euthanasia or even getting rid of her. She has been showing some aggression for a few months now. I never really believed it would lead up to the death of one of my little dog's. She was raised with them, they knew each other.


Here is the email I received from our Vet, he isn't anti-pit. He has cared for her several times. Keep in mind that he is a Vet that lives in Oklahoma. This doesn't mean that he is an English teacher.

Kayla,
Per your request pertaining to your Pit Bull, I cannot and would not encourage you to keep a dog that has attacked and killed another  dog. I had the same situation, same breed of dog, problem occur when I was in practice in Montana. The people thought that Pit's are the way because of the way they are raised. InMontana, the formerly nice Pit attacked and killed a little Poodle. Within a week the folks caught the dog with their 3 month-old baby girl's head in its mouth. That is the potential problem one live's with when they have a Pit that has attacked. It may or may not happen again and it may or may not be a child, but I would never be the one to encourage someone to keep that breed of dog which has an attack and kill history. I would advise euthanasia for the dog, otherwise you are liable  for any and all damages that dog may do AND...you could face criminal charges were it to bite a person. Hope my input will be helpful to you guys. Yours...Doc Collins

Reading this just makes my heart break. I don't know how I could ever have her "put down", I have only had to have one dog put down because he had parvo and the $400 treatment was not successful. I didn't want to see him suffer any longer so we decided to put him down. Ashley is my baby though, she is almost three years old. She was raised with other dogs, I thought this would "socialize" her, so she wouldn't have aggression towards dogs later. WRONG answer. I am learning the hard way that it is just their "nature", it plain sucks. If it was just her I would NEVER consider have her "put down", but I have my niece and nephew to worry about. They come over quiet often, I have my Pug Bob to worry about also. He is so little and she would surely kill him just like Molly.

Ashley is in the kennel right now howling this sad pitiful howl, but I can't let her in because I am scared that she will kill Bob. All of our dogs are inside dogs but they go outside while we are gone, or when it's nice so they can get some play time in. I have been rotating her between the kennel and the leash all day today, she has never been outside for this long besides when we went to Corpus last year.

My heart is literally breaking, I know most of you will think it is stupid because it is "just a dog", but she is my baby. We have no kids, these dogs are our kids for now. I got this dog to keep until she died, now my vet is telling me to have her "put down".

I got this breed because I think they are beautiful but I also wanted to be able to prove people wrong. I wanted to show people that we could raise an even tempered animal. She is great with humans, she has never showed any aggression towards a human, {except my father-in-law, but you really don't want to know the story. I don't blame her for trying to growl at him and warn him not to come closer though}.
She is a good dog and I don't want to kill her. Maybe my compassionate nurse is coming out now, I thought I had no compassion until now.

RIP Molly

"Jolly Molly"

Ashley the Pit Bull

What do I do? Have any of you ever dealt with this?