Don't Judge Me

This post is going to make me sound like a horrible, ungrateful, whiney wife.

I am in a bad mood though, on the verge of tears. I just want to be mean to my husband, I want to push him as far away as possible. I know this is bad of me, but I also know its "normal" for us to feel this way pending a deployment, he is home for a 4 day from training. He goes back to training, and he actually leaves for the deployment sometime in late spring. I have had to put up with SO much bull crap while he has been gone. I had to get buy new tires for my car, get the oil changed on both vehicles. Deal with our dog situation, let me tell you he got mad at me for awhile over it all. He bought a brand new $900 laptop last week. While I need a new one for school, his old one works perfectly. He is going to take this brand new one TO AFGHANISTAN! Oh, I am just so frustrated. Tonight I got in our freezer to find that it's not working anymore...now that he bought a laptop we have NO extra breathing money. I have to wait until my school loans come in...yeah that will be in the MIDDLE of April. What in the heck am I going to do for food now? I am a horrible mess right now. He will be gone when it comes time to buy a new fridge so I will get to do all that on my own. I am an independent person but it is going to suck figuring out a way to move a icebox on my own. Guess I can pay someone to do it for me, I don't think Lowes delivers to my house either.

I just feel like I always get dealt the crappy hands and he is off having a freaking vacation while he is gone to training, I know deployments are not fun but he is getting out of all this. I asked him to take the trash out yesterday, he turned around and looked and me and said "I am going to war". I am sorry but going to war does NOT excuse you of your duties at the house while you are home. I am not your momma and I don't care. He is the one that chose to go. He chose to go all because of "money", there is not enough money in the world to make me want him to go to war.

I know all of this is just a jumbled mess but I was on the verge of tears and now I feel better so my "typing" does help. I am really not this whiney all the time, I love my husband and I don't mean to talk so negatively about him. I just need a break and this four day better start looking up cause as of right now I really wouldn't mind having the house to myself again. I was used to him being gone and he just came back and I feel like he is raining on my parade. We hardly talked today, he was zoned out on the TV when he got home and I worked on my care plan.

Sigh* I feel sick and I am ready to get this year over with. I HATE deployments. & I HATE goodbyes.