Not so social Christmas event?

Where to start?

 Yesterday was my husbands national guard Christmas party. This is the first year I have attended. I did not go last year because my husband decided not to tell me early enough so that I could make arrangements to take off work. The Christmas party was okay I guess, lots of people attended although I noticed a few soldiers with absolutely no family. I finally realized that this just was not a "social" event as I assumed. Everyone stayed to themselves wanting nothing to do with anyone. Hmm..the main reason I went was so that I could meet MilSpouses so that maybe while our loved ones were deployed we could stay in touch. That didn't go as I had planned. I did meet one woman though, my hubby is friends with her boyfriend. She has a 5 month old baby, she has no family here in Oklahoma, ALL of her family lives in California. I feel beyond sorry for her. She has added me on facebook so Im going to make it a point to write her every so often.

Anyways,

Besides the unfriendly Christmas dinner, yesterday was a terrible day. I broke down last night. My husband asked what was wrong and all I could say was "I'm scared". I was crying so horribly, snot was flying, I couldn't breathe. It was just absolutely horrible. Now, my husband feels like he was being selffish for volunteering to go to Afghanistan. I did NOT mean to make him feel that way. I am just honestly scared, even though we were dating the first deployment and I know what it's going to be like, I am still scared. Ugh. I just don't know why, going to the dinner yesterday made it all to real for me, hearing the commander speak about the possible locations and showing us maps of Afghanistan, explaining that this is more likely going to be a mission where we have VERY LIMITED communication. I just feel so overwhelmed. We were told that we will be lucky to get a phone call once or twice a month. There is going to be NO internet,and we were told that we have to use the good ole' snail mail system. Oh joy, I love the fact that it will take anywhere from 2-4 weeks for him to recieve a package/letter. We were also told that this could change and they will get a really nice location. I guess I'm going to prepare myself for the worst. Last deployment was cheesecake compared to the way this one is more than likely going to be.

but then again,

The Army does change things about 4-6 times before they actually happen;)

On a brighter note,

I have nursing finals tomorrow!

I haven't studied much but I think I got the important stuff down. I have an A- in the class and I figured that I have to make an 82% to keep my A in the class. Im pretty sure I can do it considering that I have made A's on all the recent tests. I know what kind of ?'s they are going to ask. I'm prepared.

Or atleast I will tell myself that;)

Tomorrow is the last day to my first semester, three more to go then I will be a RN.